im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
