he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
