He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
