Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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