she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize