This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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