Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
