I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she looked like the before picture.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize