I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Randomize
