At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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