Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
