Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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