look no pants
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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