I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
