The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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