you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
