Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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