No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize