please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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