omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
