I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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