After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
