the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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