he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
