CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
