even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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