it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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