I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
