Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
