My underwear smells like fireworks.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
