oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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