he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
