He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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