I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Randomize
