he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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