I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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