yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
