Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
pray to the hookup gods
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
