Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
