She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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