HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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