whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
