You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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