she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize