he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
