Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
