Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
