I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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