Kareoke will never be a sober sport
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
