Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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