U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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