Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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