You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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