We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize