All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
