You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
