K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
