I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
