he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
