Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
