Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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