Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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