Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
