Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
