My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
